Thanksgiving for Today, Thanksgiving for Always

Happy Thanksgiving, all! Here are some of the people and thoughts I have on my mind this Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for having someplace homey to go, loving people to be with, comforting traditions, and an intense amount of food to eat this Thanksgiving. Not everyone is as lucky. Many are without food. Many are without family members. Many are without peace and love, so if you have even a slice of love in your life (or a slice of pumpkin pie!), let's share it :-)

I guess my main thank-you today is to just say thank you, God, for the loved ones who are with me in spirit but not in person this Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for the Sisters I made as a part of my Forge group at Carleton (and now the five of us are spread all over the country and the world!), from whom I truly learned how to pray even though words are not my forte, how to be strong through vulnerability (I don't have to always be 100% put together all the time? What?!), how to turn over my worries and insecurities and frustrations and impatience over to God, how to not sweat the small stuff, and how to not stew over the big stuff. And they know I'm not perfect. They know that I still have a lot more to learn. They know I'll still mess up and make old mistakes again. It was through their friendship, fellowship, and encouragement that I started to know that sense of joy that is a more fundamental and lasting state than momentary happiness. It was with them that I worked up the confidence to let God's words flow through me, God's healing messages touch me, God's gifts shine through me.

It was through their openness that I learned I could be open too, that I could start to take down some of the barriers I had put up to be there for others but also to avoid all the hurt in my own life. I had long joked about defective tear ducts, as I grew up wanting to be strong for others, to be others' rock, and seeing crying as a sign of weakness. It was in their arms that I could cry for the first time. Not just the first time in front of other human beings, but period (not counting that time in first grade when I was told I had an overdue library book and was so scared that I had done something wrong). I still do not want to have emotions sometimes or know what to do with them when I have them, but it was through their wisdom that I began to understand sometimes we need to admit we are or parts of us are broken so that we allow ourselves to be remade a stronger whole.

I'm thankful that the first time I cried for real in public, I was sandwiched in between two tennis teammates in the ice bath in the training room after practice. I was in a bit of an awkward spot, but I got the call from my papa to find out that my grandmother had passed away. I sat there literally frozen (the water was about 38 degrees... baby it hurts so good!), but my heart was thawed by both loss and love. I will get to be with her sons and daughters, grandchildren and great-grandchildren to celebrate Thanksgiving. 

I'm thankful that the second time I cried in public, I could sit down in Mustard Seed, and I had a hand on my back that next second from one of my Sisters. Which of course only made me cry even more. I had just lost my other grandmother a couple of weeks prior, just under a year after the first. She came to me in a song during the service and just so clearly said, "I love you and miss you." I wear her ring with our shared birthstone every day and think of her.

I'm thankful for technology to be able to connect with other people I love who I don't get to see in person these days or this day in particular, whether studying abroad, returned home for the holidays, or in foreign lands that I have visited and do not know when I'll return to.

Take care, God bless, and give thanks.