"People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used."

"I'm so unworthy, but still you love me. Forever my heart will sing of how great You are." Man, I am so unworthy of unconditional love. I want to sing praise, and I still love to sing, but it has still felt shallow as of late. Like I truly need to work on my relationship with God before I truly know how to praise God. Oy. The good news is that God does love us unconditionally, and we have the opportunity to be joyful in our praises! But we have to know God before we can truly sing praise, right? Baby steps. Perhaps you could take time to get to know God more every day, or perhaps you just need to take some blinders off from running around narrowly focused and just see how God is already working in your life!

And check out this song by Phil Wickham that I quoted: "Cannons"

¡Buenas noches!

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
I cannot do it all alone. We cannot do it all by ourselves, whatever we are being called to do. We are human. We need to rely on food, water, and spiritual nourishment to fill our hearts and minds to do what is asked of us. We cannot do it all, but we must focus on what we can do to bring about a little more heaven on earth.

Today I'm thankful for the adorable thank-you note from my college roommate who had to fly back to her post-Carleton home from visiting me, and I'm so thankful for the time to hang out, be silly, pray, relax, and have vacation with her this weekend.

I'm thankful for how peeling an orange leaves the scent on your hands for a pleasant amount of time.

I'm thankful for exposure to different realities that some of my high schoolers face growing up, like Immigration coming to their neighborhood and hoping their mom was at a neighbor's house, or having to rush assignments and turn them in late because while the teacher gave them a whole weekend to answer the 140 questions about whatever country, they did not have a computer at home to do so.

I'm thankful for the hearts of many Carleton students who are driven to fix the world's problems, but also for discussions of privilege at InterFaith Social Action that address the "savior complex," "in groups" and "out groups," and the importance of understanding each other's circumstances to work in solidarity and serve each other better.

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law" - Romans 13:8.

Today I'm thankful to have gotten most of the way through a crazy work week and all of the way through some intense April showers to pick up my college roomie from the airport, and I'm so thankful to have this time with her for a few days. It's nice to have my sister back.

Today, I'm thankful for all of the awesome people out there thinking of ways to serve others better. I'm thankful for an incredible weekend in DC for Ecumenical Advocacy Days on the topic of food justice, and I'm thankful for such in-depth, reflective, concentrated energy on awareness of how many factors contribute to feeding the world when we have enough food, we just simply do not have the political will to do it. I'm thankful that there are other people out there that are asking these same kinds of questions I have been asking - it is easy to feel alone sometimes in the struggle for God's peace and justice here on earth, and I was amazed to learn how many organizations are dedicated to this issue of working towards local solutions for access to and systems of sustainable, healthy food!

Until I come out of sleep debt enough to write my own actual reflections on things, I'd just like to highlight a few things I have been inspired by out there on the great interwebs the last couple days.

Bill Clinton on the Colbert Report:
"There's no difference between selfish and selfless if you understand how the world works... We live in an interdependent world... Every time you cut off somebody else's opportunities, you shrink your own horizons."

Random article a friend posted on Facebook:
"The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!" 

A new video launched by Jose Vargas (following up more from my post last Thursday): 
Immigration is Documented

I'm so thankful too for my friends and family who made my DC trip possible and wonderful, namely my papa who drove me to and from the airport, a good Carleton friend who let me crash at her beautiful apartment so we could catch up and so I did not have to pay for a hotel, and another good Carleton friend who took me out salsa dancing with his friends on Saturday night to add to the wonderful mix of a weekend.

Until tomorrow! May you be filled so you can better fill others! 

Tonight I’m thankful for this platform to get on my soapbox again. In the last couple of days, immigration justice has come to the front burner, and for that, I am thankful to gain a deeper understanding of my own privilege and my role in being an ally for undocumented immigrants. I’m privileged to have been born in this country to documented parents who were able to provide me with resources for one of the best academic environments in the nation. I’m privileged by whiteness, all of the intangible ways it affects my life, and the position to think about ways to better be an ally.

Today, I had the privilege of sitting down with a documented child of undocumented parents, who paid their taxes to this country, to apply for our government to help him fund his education. As a part of my AmeriCorps work, I got to sit down with this student looking forward to studying something in the realm of art, film, and media to navigate filling out a FAFSA for federal grants and financial aid from his school of choice while filling in 000-00-0000 for his parents’ social security numbers and deciphering tax forms. I’m so thankful that regardless of what people often see as his parents’ mistake or egregious criminal act (note: “illegal immigration” is a civil, not criminal offense) was a decision of love for their children to look for opportunities to provide for them here, and that this student in this case is not penalized for his parents’ documentation status, but rather will be able to receive financial aid like the US citizen he is. 

And tonight, I had the privilege of sitting on the floor up against a wall until my bum went numb in a packed lecture hall at Carleton to hear renowned Jose Antonio Vargas speak. In case you’re unfamiliar or need a refresher, Jose is a Pulitzer-prize winning journalist who came out last summer as an undocumented immigrant. He has also come out as gay, but that’s beside the point for now. He has since, because of his high profile, success, hard work, and “otherness” as a Filipino in the immigration debate, played a huge role in re-opening the stagnant conversation about our broken immigration system. Jose, as a journalist with the tough questions, has asked our country to think about the face of immigration, who are affected by state and national laws, what do undocumented immigrants look like (they’re not all Mexican!), and what does it truly mean to be “American.” (Check out his website, Define American, if you like). 

He was originally supposed to do the convocation at Carleton in the fall, but he was actually stopped in good old Northfield for driving with headphones on and made national news for getting arrested for driving without a valid license though because he is undocumented! (Here's the article link: MinnPost). Basically because he has the privilege of being a high-profile, well-respected journalist, he was only briefly detained, while the typical undocumented immigrant would not be so lucky.

Anyways, because he was arrested literally on his way to speak at Carleton then, he came back to fulfill his duty to us, first speaking with TORCH students and others interested at the high school, and then going to Carleton for an evening presentation and full-room discussion. The thoughtfulness, humor, quips, and energy in that room were amazing. I was so inspired, and I was thankful to be able to count this event towards my AmeriCorps professional training hours (even though I would have gone anyway) because I so thrive on the mix between direct service with my students and zooming out to the broader picture of immigration justice. We are a nation of immigrants, and we have also created and perpetuated many of the circumstances for inequality within our country and around the globe.

I would just like to share some quotes, stats, and threads of conversation from the night that may strike you and perhaps address some perceptions or misconceptions you may have had about immigration, what it means to be undocumented, and what you have a responsibility to do with the tools and knowledge available to you.

- “To be an undocumented person in America is to be completely obsessed with documents.”

- In 2010, undocumented immigrants in Minnesota paid $87 million in taxes. They are paying into the system, just like my student's parents, but their children are often stuck at high school with extremely limited access to the system of higher education, this system they pay into. This system that would provide a way out of the cycle of poverty.

- With upcoming legislation, Minnesota could be the 13th state to give undocumented students in-state tuition!

- How many of you at age 15 or 16 saw getting a driver’s license as a privilege? Jose first learned he was undocumented when he brought his green card to the DMV to get his license, and he was turned away because it was a fake. He was brought here by his grandparents, and apparently two generations is not considered a close enough family relationship for a family visa, so he had to make excuses to his friends when he could not drive. Think of all the ways you need a license to validate your personhood, your identity.

- On this thread, Minnesota is on its way to being the fifth state to allow undocumented immigrants to apply for driver’s licenses. This would ensure everyone on the road has taken a license test, provide people with legal forms of identification, and remove one more obstacle, that of transportation, for immigrants to get to their jobs to provide for their families.

- “We have lost a generation of people who just gave up.” What’s the point of working hard in high school if there’s no hope after? Why take the SATs? Why bother with visiting colleges when they would just turn you away? We need to accept everybody with education access. While we need all the doctors and lawyers and physicists and journalists we can get, we can’t all get 4.0s. Jose was very frank about his own privilege and about how hard he worked to get where he is. We need to provide all undocumented students the same opportunities as others because it is imperative we provide good, solid jobs for all who want to live with dignity and roofs over their heads. If they’re capable and willing to work for it, we should ensure the system works for them.

- In some families, statuses are different between children and parents and even between siblings. As of 2011 there are over 5000 children in foster care because of parental deportation. Our current immigration system is tearing families apart. 

- “In 21^st Century America, diversity is destiny. It’s only gonna get browner, more Asian, gayer…”

Earlier in the night I had seen one of the students from Arcadia charter school (where I work part-time with AmeriCorps when I’m not at the high school or running other places) across the way, and in the discussion time, he stood up and asked, “As a heterosexual white man, how do I be a better ally?” “Understand privilege, humanity, and empathy.”

Jose also talked about the concept of intersectionality in the sense of understanding each other’s realities and sitting at the table with the “other.” “You don’t have to be a woman to be a feminist, you don’t have to be gay to fight for same-sex marriage, you don’t have to be Latino to care about immigration.” We have to be willing to sit at each others tables, and to welcome each other to ours. Those of us who are "white" may not even think about going to meetings of different "cultural organizations" because they are not for us, even if we would want to learn. Inviting each other into our realities is a process, but we have to meet each other halfway.

 One descendent of Russian and German Jews whom left Europe from persecution noted being uncomfortable being called white because he feels like he doesn’t have a culture. And maybe many of us white folks are not as connected to our heritage as more recent immigrants or as people of color, but we can take the time and opportunities to learn about and share our families' stories as well. Jose talked of his fascination with how this country has created "whiteness," which can definitely create some identity crises. Everybody has a story, and everybody's story has value. In some way, it has helped shape who you are. It is how you got here, to wherever you are on this earth and in this life, and there have been so many other lives and circumstances that somehow had to transect for you to end up there.

The Jose Vargas presentation was incredible. And connected to his work, I’m thankful for the work IFSA (Carleton’s student group Inter-Faith Social Action) has put in since its inception that has finally made some headway with the Carleton administration about its policy towards admission of undocumented students. Much of our work these past few months has been to figure out exactly what Carleton’s policy is, and if we as Carleton students (and alums!) had to put effort into this, imagine how much of a deterrent that would be for an undocumented student who has lived in the U.S. most of their life but has more barriers to face in terms of even figuring out which colleges would consider accepting them as U.S. students. Naturally, our first step to convincing Carleton to move towards acceptance of all students willing and capable to benefit from and contribute to this academic environment was to convince the administration to at the very least publish an explicit policy regarding admission of undocumented applicants.

In a meeting Wednesday with the Dean of Admissions, IFSA members finally had an open conversation where they learned Carleton would accept undocumented students but considers them international students. At least we know now where Carleton stands, and our group members present at the meeting were able to leave a fat stack of research materials we had compiled since the fall with facts and figures regarding economic and moral arguments, examples of more welcoming policies of similar institutions, and our recommendations for Carleton policy. After five to six years, we got Carleton to give us a straight answer, so we can work from that standpoint to have Carleton publish an explicit policy, and hopefully from there convince my beloved alma mater to accept them as Americans with the right to financial aid regardless of immigration status. I’m proud to be a member of this crew!

Ans.. couple of days ago, the Associated Press (which Vargas called the “bible of journalism) also made a language shift to bar the usage of the terms “illegal immigrant.” The word “illegal” can be used as an adjective to describe an action, such as crossing the border illegally or overstaying one’s visa illegally, but it should never be used to describe a person or to plainly write off a group of human beings.

This is just one victory in the realm of conscious language usage though. If it moves you, please sign this petition to encourage the New York Times to make the same language shift: http://www.causes.com/NYTdroptheiword?open_dialog=inviter

 The importance of language goes beyond what journalists are required to use, of course, to our everyday conversations with friends and family. “Undocumented” is the most appropriate, but using “unauthorized” or also just taking the time to an individual’s or group’s circumstances are also acceptable. It is important to spread awareness out of love and respect for the dignity of both those in your normal social, academic, and professional circles as well as those to whom you are referring. It’s about love, people. It’s about loving people.

I’m also thankful to have had the opportunity to debrief both with one of my best Carleton friends who attended the event with me, and then with my Canadian housemate in the kitchen back at home about changing demographics… the conceptualizations of Canada as a mosaic while the U.S. is supposed to be a great melting pot… though it’s more like a tossed salad with individual pieces still recognizable but washed over with some thin flavor that somehow ties everything together…. And the future of our societies.

So much is happening, and still so much to happen. But we are in exciting times, folks! And what you can do regardless of your race, culture, immigration status, language, etc. is try to learn about the experiences and circumstances of others. Make the effort and open your heart to your fellow human beings.

Today I'm thankful to have had the strength, energy, and support to handle a double-Zumba, effectively eleven-hour workday. I'm thankful I had a good mix of activities in that time, including sitting down with a few students one-on-one to crank out some last-minute community scholarship applications. I am thankful there are so many options out there for low-income Northfield students to find funding to further their education as long as they are proactive about working to get it. I'm thankful for as much as so many students should not have procrastinated this much on applying to possibly win some well-deserved scholarships, because of their procrastination I got to sit down them to talk through some of their goals and aspirations and hear some of their personal stories. I'm thankful to be a sponge.

Tonight is truth time. Vulnerability time. I was in a relationship that while I was in it brought me closer to God and closer to the person I believe God wants me to be. Key word is "was." That relationship ended, and it made sense that it did. I got to a good place and have been in a good place for a while, but this part of my soul has remained unresolved because I did not want to acknowledge that loss. At the time I could forgive, and I can, but sometimes even though I conceptually understand, there are all these feelings that still come in waves. There are still so many times I can experience joy with others and with God, but there are times when I want to not be alone at night, there are times when I feel empty, and there are times like tonight.

With tonight's Easter-related message at Mustard Seed and the fresh beginning of Carleton's spring term, the message that sat upon my heart was that God's sacrificial love for us saves us from sin, that's the gist of Easter, right? But sin is not just all the "thou shalt not"s... Sin is what is keeping us from God. And because I have allowed this wound, hurt, and frustration to fester because I think I should be over it, that I should not have these emotions (but God gave us emotions for a reason! It's about time to use them for strength...), I have allowed my unfulfilled expectations for human love to preclude me from experiencing the fulness of God's love. For clarity's sake though, I have absolutely no regrets. That relationship brought me much joy, and I have learned so much.


I understand conceptually that it takes time to heal. That though I was afraid to be hurt, I chose to open my heart completely to another human being, fully accepting neither of us is perfect, and I felt God's love through us. But though it may take time to trust God fully to give much of my heart to another person, I am thankful for the sisters and brothers in my life that have walked with me, acting out God's love in so many ways. Those who knew me well enough that I had to process more than I admit to, and those whose presence in my life lifted me up in many other ways. 

Not letting myself heal has in fact kept me from God because it has prevented me from being completely filled, filled to be a vessel for God's love. So tonight, laying down the guilt that I feel over complaining of heartache because there are so many more pains in the world out there, I have to acknowledge the loss may still hit me sometimes, but I will be better able to live out love for others by accepting the healing power of God's sacrificial love.  

Tonight I also must be intentional about recognizing some of the ways God's beauty has sparkled in my life lately because the light always overcomes darkness!

I am thankful for time to work from home last week, to wake up at 10am, do some data tracking and email writing in my pajamas, and have more energy for volunteering, late-night writing, and friend-time into the wee hours of the morning.

I'm thankful to have been available to sacrifice some of my time, when I should have perhaps been getting other things done, to help a friend move into a new apartment and pick up another friend at the airport (and that timing worked out perfectly as I came back from the Cities!).

While it may not be for much longer as my parents are thinking of downsizing in the near future, I'm thankful to have had time this weekend to organize and pack up my childhood bedroom. I know it is a luxury to have basically grown up in one single home, and I'm thankful to still have a place to keep many of my earthly possessions while I am still in Northfield for a few months and then packing lightly to live in Tucson for a year.

I'm thankful I was able to go to the Easter service at my home church and to have been challenged by a message of "where are we acting out the story of God's love in our own lives?"

And I'm thankful to still be finding a couple plastic Easter eggs here and there that my dad hid, adorable notes enclosed, as I unpack from the weekend.

May the light outshine the darkness for you as well, dear readers! Peace and love.