Today I realized I'm less than one week away from moving. My whole flexible fall will be ending, and I should have things semi-figured out by now, right? I'm thankful for home base to be able to have so many travel experiences this fall, and I'm so fortunate that my parents would put up with my popping in and out of town/the country, my consistent mess around the house, and my reliance on free food and lodging while I'm around.
Some get kicked out of the house at 18, others right after college, but maybe more college grads like me are finding it makes more sense to get our feet under us for a little in terms of of real person job, apartment, life, etc. I always wanted to get the heck out of the house after graduation, to orchestrate my life perfectly so I could just move out right then and have a smooth transition to self-sufficiency. But that was me thinking I could make it all work with my plans. And as people kept asking me what I wanted to do after graduation and all that spoke to me was "travel" (and I was thoroughly incapable of picturing a dream job), God's plans surpassed my own. I apparently needed more time to sort things out at home, and I'm so lucky to have had some pretty awesome adventure opportunities come into my life these past few months.
The travel bug is still hanging around, but I have at least had some time to examine what traveling means for my life. I have had some good conversations with my tennis coach who has been living in the U.S. for half of his life now and has gotten to travel a fair amount internationally, and he always warned me that the more you travel, the more critical you can get and it may be harder to fit into one place. But perhaps you may find it is easier to relax into more places and find joy more easily wherever you are - and find God wherever you are. I have run into culture-shock more returning to my own culture than experiencing others, and I will admit it is hard for me to simply enjoy life sometimes because I'll feel guilty that I have it easy a lot of the time. And then I always have to remind myself that I have to approach the circumstances I am in with as much grace as possible, and if I am meant to be here, then I must learn how to balance what I value, learn how to live here without going completely crazy in critical mode, serve others with my time, and do what I can right here.
The other thing about traveling that has been on my mind is that I do not want to be a nomad forever. I do not want to be this transient being that floats over the surface of the globe, making fleeting connections if any. As much as I love to get out and travel and explore, I am a homebody but I do not really have a home anymore. I may call my parents' house home, but I loved the me that was at home at Carleton. Nothing against my parents, it's just time. Flexibility is nice, but someday soon I'll be ready for roots, and so far Carleton is still that place I want to come back to after adventure-girling. The lifelong connections I have made there, many of whom are still there, continue to bring out the me that I feel is closer to whom I am meant to be. However, even Carleton is not so much my place anymore because I'm an alum and should have my life sort-of in order, in theory. But although I will be in limbo between social networks and part-time jobs in Northfield come January, my ties there still feel like home. I am also glad there are other alums in a similar position still hanging around and that we can still flow in and out of campus activities. Until the next adventure, I am content with some roots in the Northfield community for now.
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