Today I'm thankful for being able to chill with my momma and simultaneously catch up on some TV shows (yep, I'm readjusted to US culture alright) and go through some of the vibrant art pieces and incredibly smooth and innovative woodwork I was able to bring back with me from Cuba.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to come back and share my experiences in Cuba with family and friends in the way of informal conversations, community talks, and follow-up in the political realm. The delegation did not just intend to change the lives of the seven of us delegates. We are to be catalysts for change of nonsensical, unjust policies, and I dearly hope we can keep the energy from our trip going through the holiday season and beyond. We want to keep having conversations about Cuba in our communities and what we can do to end travel restrictions so you all can experience Cuban reality firsthand if you so choose, to end the embargo that is at this point grounded in inertia and stubbornness (If you want a whole list of reasons, please feel free to contact me! And when I get to it, I'll also be travel blogging on kemstravels.blogspot.com), and to encourage the thawing of relations between our two countries. As one of the community elders said in her message she wants us to deliver to our political leaders, "The people of Cuba love the United States like the people of the United States love Cuba. Why is this so difficult if we love each other?" Their spirit of pride in their country and love of ours and our people despite the political wrongs we have inflicted on them is incredible. That is what cross-cultural connection is about.

Re-centering myself here, I'm thankful that I can find both Christmas and non-Christmas music on my normal radio stations because while I do love Christmas carols, I can't handle them all the time. I'm thankful that my family, for years since it came out, can always agree to have the Peanuts Christmas cd on in our house around this time of year. And I'm thankful that my fingers still have enough muscle memory to practice our favorite carols on my flute that I literally only pick up for these carols every year since stopping band in high school. May our music bring joy and gladness!

My song of today: "Great is Thy Faithfulness" by Fernando Ortega, given to me by one of my sweet college roommates a couple years ago and I think it finally hit me this fall. I was able to figure out the guitar chords well enough, but it is really the piano in this version that fills me up. I'm realizing more and more how my brain works musically comes a great deal from my mom, and it's amazing how she can sightread or pick out a song from hearing it. I'm so thankful that even if my brain doesn't tell my vocal chords what pitch to hit when I see a C notated, that I can basically pick out melodies, harmonies, and chords from hearing something. My mom and I may not pull off the best cover of Fernando Ortega's version ever, but from listening to it over and over the last couple days and going from my brain to guitar chords to her notating for piano, we've got something, and it's pretty special.

Dear Cuba, you were so good to me. Thank you for the opportunity to learn from your people and from fellow community organizers with Witness for Peace. So much to reflect on, and I'm definitely not quite ready for this white Christmas concept yet!

I'm thankful for the opportunities to contextualize my own culture in relation to another abroad experience. Even if I'm still overwhelmed by feelings of privilege, I am fortunate to be able to make choices about what is too much in my life than worry about having too little. It was not easy to land in Miami to smack into responsibilities, 684 emails in my inbox, and pervasive materialism after those eleven days, but such is life, and I need to learn how to readapt to my own culture while drawing from the adaptability, general contentedness, and solidarity I found in Cuban culture. Peoples connect better than messed-up politics, when given the chance, and I'm so grateful for my chance.

I still have more unpacking of things and thoughts to do from my Cuba delegation, but as I keep processing, I'm thankful for a personalized message from Santa via one of my besties and for the realization that this Christmas I'd be content with awesome bright colored socks. And I'm thankful that we have officially all survived the shortest day of the year. Things are looking up! (And for us Minnesotans especially, that means a lot!)

Today I'm thankful for the jewelry store that could replace my watch batteries in just seven minutes after I ran to the mall, coupon from my mom in hand, upon realizing the only time I ever use a watch is when I go to foreign countries (otherwise I tend to use my cell phone as my timekeeping device).

I'm thankful for Skype dates, silly voices, and giggles that last for hours and way past anyone's bedtime.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to see some of my church members' talents outside of church in a community production of "It's a Wonderful Life." It truly is a blessing to see others' gifts they have been blessed with outside of the normal context in which I interact with them, especially those who have encouraged acting, drama, and dance within our church itself! Not to mention the gorgeous voice and vibrato that poured forth from the character of Mary. She was amazing. I'll try to remember my voice envy as not true envy but as inspiration!

And I'm beyond grateful for my papa's willingness to get up at 4:30am to drive me to the airport so I can hop from Minneapolis to Miami, and then Miami to Havana! So, 3pm tomorrow I am hoping dearly to be on that plane from Miami to Havana. No news is good news for the next couple weeks. Wish me safety and suerte!

I'll leave you with a quote that one of my friends posted today: "Why then did God give them free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes any love or goodness or joy worth having." - C.S. Lewis.

Thanks for following, and God willing, I'll be in touch soon!

Today I'm thankful for those rare occasions when the elevator door opens right when you walk up to it and it's going in the direction you need.

I'm thankful for the real first snow of the season and how it turned my scarf (and probably my hair) completely white during the course of my walk through the neighborhood to enjoy it. 

I'm thankful for a meal of cobbled together leftovers of all the foods I liked the first time around.

I also want to include an email I wrote forwarding an Encouragement of the Day email from Bible Gateway to a few friends (I subscribed to this email digest about a year ago and definitely recommend it - it is geared towards women, just so you know, but there have just been so many great messages that either I can take something away from or use to better equip myself to help out a friend. Some days it is literally exactly what I need to hear, it's incredible. Besides, who doesn't need a little encouragement now and again? Or every day?!)

"Hi friends! I just wanted to pass this along because it touched me today. Especially this: 'You can't work to know the love of God. You need to rest in the love of God.' We don't need to work for God's love, we just need to love God and let God work through us! (Maybe I shoulda realized this in those words before, but sometimes even things I in theory understand need to be spelled out haha). And as crazy as our lives can get, resting in God's love is basically the coolest thing ever, and perhaps all the more important when our lives get crazier. May you find rest in God's love today and all days!"

I take delight in small revelations. Some days, maybe God just needs to hit me over the head with a message in clearer terms than whatever I had been muddling through. But isn't that quote beautiful? "You can't work to know the love of God. You need to rest in the love of God." Breathe. And as God fills you with your next breath and the one after that, may you find peace in that perfect love.

As I sat down to write tonight, I paused, reflecting, and pressed shuffle play on my Mustard Seed playlist. "Good to be Alive." Perfect. Nothing deep or profound to report today, but the average, getting stuff done kind of day is totally okay now and again. It's just good to be alive. I give thanks for being able to escape to dance when my heart was pained earlier today. I give thanks for good blisters - the kind that just hang out painlessly on the bottoms of my feet after Zumba-ing barefoot. I give thanks for family game night and good-natured sass and taunting that accompany "Oh P'shaw," or "Oh H-e-double-hockey-sticks," as my grandma would call it.

Today, God, thank you for blessing my life with an average day. For waking me up with your light, for letting me find solace in your presence and in the company of your children, for simple pleasures.

Like Jason Gray sings, "I wanna live like there's no tomorrow, love like I'm on borrowed time. It's good to be alive." Amen, sir.

After a night of endless thoughts and little sleep, I have realized how infrequent those nights are now, thank God! For much of my life, I have had to implement a falling-asleep routine, when to turn to my right side after much of my brain power is waning, etc. I have just been accustomed to my best thinking, praying, and processing hitting me all as I lay my head down to sleep. That served me well in college, actually, as whenever I was in a tumultuous state of essay writing or presentation preparation and it was as if 18 little thought birds were whirring around in different directions and I needed to catch each one and make sense of it, all I had to do was power nap and float into a wellspring of clarity.

But a lot of my life, I have put myself under profound stress about what the next day would bring, thinking of all the tasks left undone, of the next game or competition, or of how I would have to work up the courage and strength to put myself out there. Or I simply worry about things. And people. I am a natural worrier. But in the last couple years I have found more ways to cope, to write my worries down and deal with them in the light of the next day, to let things go, or to sort things through. And God has been patient with me as I learn how to channel God's peace. I still have a natural tendency to worry, but then there's this verse that hit me and stuck this fall in my Unglued bible study: "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything." Maybe having a conversation with God is daunting and more stress than peace for you at this point, but if you find peace through music, or art, or dance, those are ways to let God move through you too! Last night was one of the nights where the thoughts kept me awake, but I am so thankful that those nights are few and far between, at least in this season.

And today I'm thankful for heartening comments from strangers :-) There can be so much filth, hyper-criticalness, and people tearing each other down or yelling in derogatory remarks and/or all caps on the internet. As much as I am doing this blog in an attempt to reflect on God's blessings in my own life and not expecting any commendations from humans, I hope that some miniscule portion of my random ramblings touches someone out there, and the commendation is an added bonus!

Another instance of revelation of healing today is that I realized, hey, I played tennis last night, and my wrist does not hurt today! So thankful for time to rest it and heal that injury that plagued me most of my senior season. Sometimes, the body just needs time to heal too, and year-round competition does not often grant that. I do believe this is the first time my wrist has not hurt during or after tennis in eight months, so that gives me another confirmation that some time away from the sport was a pretty healthy decision.

Other things...
Goo Gone is amazing. So is youth group night of caroling in a group home followed by talking college prospects with St. Luke high schoolers. And finding a birthday check from my grandparents from two years ago that I had apparently forgotten to deposit - it came at a pretty solid time, as I look to set out on my own in the near future. Yay pleasant surprises!

Today I'm thankful my laptop trackpad could still recognize my swipes through the layer of superglue on my fingertips. Nothing quite like how Elmer's peels off with a fingerprint impression though...

I'm thankful for the remnants of my childhood that turn up while organizing my room. And I'm thankful for how much more comfortable I have gotten with driving since the days I needed a "directions" notebook to tell me which way to turn out of my own street.

I'm thankful for the time I had with the house to myself, even though it was not quite long enough.

I'm thankful I had nowhere to be when my momma's car was fussy and refused to start so she could borrow mine and get to the doctor on time.

I'm thankful for friends who try to be sneaky and pay the waiter in advance for dinner without my noticing.

I'm thankful that after basically twelve years of year-round competitive tennis, it is still a part of my life. After not playing for a few weeks, to get back on the court tonight with one of my old teammates felt foreign because it is not on the front burner of my life anymore, but yet, so natural. Going from playing and competing about five days a week, every week for basically twelve years to seeking to play once in a while because I still love it is pretty much the best. I give thanks for the much-needed rest from all of the pressure that I basically just put on myself mentally and physically because I wanted to do well for my team. I'm thankful I can still keep up with Carleton tennis and try to support them as for many of the things they are going through, I've been there, done that. I was so fortunate to have a great college tennis experience with my team and coaches, and now, my family sport can be one of those things that I can do to run around until I can't run around anymore.

I'm thankful for friends who continue to reach out even though I can be quite bad at keeping in touch. After long days, people may not be my first default, but that does not mean I do not care or I do not want to maintain relationships. I have come to understand that I can kind of be a strange mix of introversion and extroversion, and God has created me to thrive in one-on-one time with others or in small groups. And every day I am learning how to best get all filled up on God's love by balancing work, activities that help me find peace and rest, and giving of myself to meaningful relationships because I so want to live God's love all the time. However, I will try to continuously acknowledge that I am not perfect, and so it is still my job to admit my inadequacies and understand how they are manifest in my relationships and in my relationship with God. It is through God that we can respond to stress with breath, vulnerability with strength, and fear with love.

P.S. Friends, I so appreciate hearing from you. My apologies that I may not reach out as much as I perhaps should or as much as you would like to hear from me. Know that I still care about you, and if it takes me a while to respond to your message, it's because I want to sit down with enough time to fully devote to you and your message.

Today I'm thankful to have emails fly into my inbox from friends in China and Nicaragua to maintain relationships and nerd out in Spanish and my increasingly disappearing Mandarin. I'm thankful for Carleton friend Skype dates and "Carleton wouldn't be the same without you!" I'm thankful for "St. Luke junkies" that let me pop into Latin America focus group meetings when I am in town and who really know how to build me up. And I'm thankful for my papa's knowledge and patience to sit through my finance-dumb questions to better understand how to manage my funds and work on that whole financial independence concept that I should probably work on as a young adult. I am truly fortunate to have supportive parents both in terms of providing a free bed and free food as a home base for just a little while longer, and also of helping me be a better steward of my moneys so I can sustain myself and others.

Today I am thankful for St. Luke's celebration of 30 years as part of the Sanctuary Movement, that we embraced and did not turn away Central Americans seeking asylum from their war-torn homelands in the '80s, and for growing up in this community striving to live out faith and conscience in the face of societal controversy. I give thanks for Pastor Gwin's message that framed Jesus' first years as the ultimate refugee story of fleeing from persecution and depending on gracious hosts for shelter and necessities. "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." Ultimate humility and ultimate grace.

Christianity as well as any other faith tradition can get politicized, and immigration is one of those issues that is too complicated and gets swept up into a frenzied mess in the political sphere. You are more than welcome to take issue with my faith and my politics and how they intersect. Let's have a respectful discussion. All that I want is for all of God's children to have a safe place to live and enough to eat and to drink. Simple enough right? And yet we stray from our purpose and make it all the more complicated, making the solution elusive at best. May we remember the flow of people, and especially of migrants and refugees, is not just an issue of politics. It is an issue of resources, of community, of justice, and of humanity.

And for lighter things, I'm thankful for the most picturesque scene I've seen in quite some time. Ninety percent of today was one of those blah early winter days where moisture in the air hangs low to the ground, blocking all sun and permeating the air with however one could describe an odor of sogginess with a slight smokiness, the awkard precursor to the actually refreshing after-rain smell. The forecast called for sun, and it looked like rain, but it just hung out confused and in between those two. Anyways, as my friend and I were driving east into Minneapolis on 94, I couldn't not interrupt my friend's story (with as much tact as possible). "I'm sorry, but, but, just look at that!" A strip of sunlight with a soft, uneven edge like handmade paper torn by hand extended from behind St. Mary's basilica diagonally up towards the right, streaming through the fog and highlighting the steeple.

Do I ever wish I weren't driving. Do I ever wish I had my camera. Do I ever wish that lasted more than three seconds before my Civic descended into the 94 tunnel and that scene was lost. But it was glorious for that moment.

I'm thankful for a friend who I realized uses "I'm so lucky that..." "I'm so fortunate that..." "I'm so glad that..." etc. in her vocabulary incessantly. I'm thankful that she wanted to join me at the last minute to do some holiday shopping at a fair trade fair. And I'm thankful for not being pressed for time and for the opportunity to talk world travels and world politics over bubble tea and dark chocolate truffles.

Today I'm thankful for an awesome Wisconsin road trip, kicked off last night by a Crispin tasting and cooking class event where I got to learn culinary usage of the verbs "sweat," "deglaze," and "bloom." I'm thankful that we carpooled so we could keep our wits about us driving through a semi-abandoned section of Minneapolis, at least at night, and we found the place with its string of tiny lights in the darkness. I'm thankful for conversations with new contacts and giggle fits with old friends.

I'm thankful for road trip hilarity that made the hour and a half to Menomonie go by in a snap, as well as the extra half hour of wondering why our little blue dot on the iPhone map wasn't finding our friend's house (turns out it helps if your friend makes sure their phone sends you the right address). It's great to have friends who will also whip out their phones, their best guesses as to where that path leads, and their good-natured flexibility.

I'm thankful for the perfect gender ratio for catch phrase teams, tooth brushing parties, and friend sandwiches on the futon. Love.

I'm thankful for extended breakfasts, time to just be together, and the brilliance and bad Mandarin of Firefly.

I'm thankful for schedules to work out for another stop on our road trip to see another high school friend, with whom I have my second-longest friendship. I'm thankful we took a brisk walk to have a late lunch at the Acoustic Cafe, a sibling to Hogan Brothers in my beloved Northfield. I'm thankful for friends who will eat my croutons after I've forgotten to ask the cashier to hold them, especially because I hate wasting food. I'm thankful for time to catch up and even extra time to swap silly animal stories since we all love the scaly and fuzzy creatures in our lives.

I'm thankful for the detour to "Oh let's stop in this store because they have cats!" and find ourselves at their open house with a fire and free smores right outside the storefront, luring us inside with our original intent of shopping artsy products with cat companionship.

I'm thankful for how amazing of seats my mom found us for the Guthrie's production of A Christmas Carol. There is really not one bad seat in the house, but we were kind of shocked when the usher led us down so close you could see it sprinkle the stage when an actor spit out a word beginning with a "p" (without getting rained on ourselves). Apparently I had seen it with my grandparents when I was younger, but at an age where I could not appreciate it as much. And what drew me to see this show this year was a girl who I had taught some tennis to and seen her grow up for the last few years. When she said she was going to be missing some school this fall to rehearse for this play, I wanted to go see her in this other context, especially as her theatrical personality comes in such handy to be silly with the younger tennis campers. It was wonderful to see her take on that role on the big stage, and I would say this version of this Dickens classic is pretty darn powerful.

I'm thankful for the challenges the arts can present us with. That social questions Dickens raised in the 1800s are unfortunately still relevant, but fortunately still being asked. What should we do about those less fortunate than us? How can we bring more light to others in our time on this earth? Lest the ghost of Christmas future bring as much of a racket with strobe lights, smoke bombs, and sinister orchestral accompaniment as the Guthrie rendition. Perhaps we all do not need to be frightened into giving, but perhaps we may need to be shaken out of our complacency. Those who have been blessed with more in terms of material wealth could give more, but many of us could give more of ourselves and of our time as well.

We cannot expect or demand of one another to give more, but I think we should all reflect on our lives and how we can do more. Maybe it's giving food to the next homeless person you see, maybe it's inviting acquaintances or friends who may be without people to share the holiday with over to your home for a meal, or maybe it's dedicating your life's work to reducing poverty and its effects in your community or in our world.

The tricky part of this is the willingness of the human spirit to help others. We are never going to like doing things we feel forced into, no matter how noble, right? There will always be, at the very least, a twinge of a grudge, a shadow over your good deed, if it was done even partially in obligation rather than complete selflessness. You have heard some of my thoughts, but we all can make the choice. The hardest part may be figuring out how best to give of our time and talents, or it may be being the quintessential "cheerful giver" as we are called to be. May we all try to take on a gracious spirit in our lives, in this holiday season and into the season of Christmas future.

I will leave you with this quote from Dickens (who you may rather read anyway than my incessant musings, as his works are quite reputable): "Reflect upon your present blessings - of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."